What’s so great about September? OMG, so many things… the grandeur of summer still fresh on our minds as stifling heat gratefully retreats from our living nightmares. September is gorgeous layered fancy-silky scarves, funky-colored tights (remember those, my trippy friend?) and sophisticated little jackets; unfolding from leather seats after a splendid meal without stressing the back of your dress is plastered solid to sweaty thighs. It is moderate heat without the rash, mosquitoes on last dying wings, make-up maintaining its proper place and not running clownishly down slippery faces - even after a harrowing half-hour wait on the subway platform in the monsoon gloom. It is not signing over your entire check to Con Ed’s collection department, turning off the planet-destroying-blowers, opening up the windows and letting the marvelous breeze in. The day of labor (us peons only get one day for our government-sanctioned-BBQ’s – pathetic, I’m moving to Belgium!), one month closer to the election of the century; and so many of my other favorite things. Julie Andrews should pen a new ditty to September’s noble glory and I’ll mix the break-beats! But at the very least, we can say we made it through another endless summer, swishing around this swirling urban tide pool habitat of ours, we stuck it out with valor and charm. So props to us for our woman-against-city-stance and two snaps to the left for grinning and strutting it, despite the colossal asphyxiate odds against us! Keep on breezing on, my pre-autumn sisterlings!

	Financial and social affairs sputter into being and ignite your life this month, Aries. Scrum-diddly-umptious happenings ‘fo sure. You’re most fortunately slated to make the greatest of strides toward all the best things in life… leisure, vacation and parties, oh my! Even Dorothy would be jealous and kick up her ruby slippers in hissy-fit protest that you’re attending the masked ball without her! But despite all that hard work to make-like-a-diva maxing and relaxing, you continue on your busy little buzzy-bee flight, running to and fro - and mid-month shapes up to be especially nutty (Honey Bunches of O’s Anyone?). Change is on the horizon in your work and health arenas. So just live it up and take it all in stride, keeping your gaze on the prize. So just love it up and take it all in forked-toe stride, keeping your gaze on the prize. Just be sure not to stare not too hard with those puffer-fish eyes (from late night ménage-a-many at The Box). Keep ‘em smooth and in line with AWAKEHYDRO-PLUS EYE (bergdorfgoodman.com), the little gel that could, working as hard as your horn-of-plenty to butt up against fine lines and wrinkles that have absolutely no business on your glowing punim (the nerve of ‘em!). Formulated with the latest Japanese technology (you take the gel, I’ll grab the flaming sake bomb, if it’s all the same to you), prepping your derm to perfection for make-up application with no oily residue. Nourishing Vitamin E and ginseng (good enough to steep and drink, my dear) work their magic in the flashy white bottle that’s got all the cute sailors talking. Just don’t be caught wearing no Snow White colors without that o-so-subtle ‘winter’ distinction post-BBQ-mad Monday, fashion faux pas to the Madison Avenue max! But on second thought, screw that silly what-not-to-wear custom and don all the pure white attire you wish, you anti-disestablishmentarianism (I’ve been dying to use that in a sentence – my work here is done!) style rebel! (Just don’t tell WWD I mentioned it! It’s just between us - woman to ram, jah?) Your eyes will look so smooth and fabulous, like a lovely shoosh down an icy Swiss piste, that no one will even notice your lack of clothing convention. And do me this one solid if you will, no matter how hip on the ‘winter’ tip you indeed may be, please do refrain from donning those Ugs for the duration of the month. (I suffered through three sightings just yesterday - c’mon now, don’t play with my heart like that!) Are we all on the same page, lambchop? Thank goddess, I was worried there for a moment!
	Oh-you-wonderfully-beastly-bull, you wily worldly Taurean-sensualist, your drive to gather the green-moolah-paper rages on in full force this September. But don’t become too-too much of a cake-eater and remember to keep those proactive horns properly pointed in the direction of your loved one (it’s a question of lust, it’s a question of trust), esta muy importante if you know what’s good for you. Issues stemming from relationship misunderstandings crumble to dust the first week in - just like the last fading remnants of summer’s secret sins (c’mon oh great Indian-one, I know it’s in you for s’more hot lovin!) and woman, do things heat up! Dy-no-mite! Apparent love-affair flaws come to light, which is good(?!) albeit challenging for you, o-steadfast-one. It’s time to kick it up a notch into four-wheel drive and jump it to another mystic level. So Dukes-a-Hazzard your bullish booty into that psychic Subaru and put the petal to the metal, as in: gun it! And dust off that old passion-checklist-for-two and give it another once-over – not so romantically cheery perhaps, but necessary in times like these. Please to understand, this biz of love is a doosey and it takes work and collaboration, um-kay? Take a passage from the Clinton diary, almost anything is possible in this day and age if love is on your side (or alternately, if you’re just incredibly politically-minded). So don’t worry so much your buoyant head, I know it’s a challenge ‘n all but you’re doing great. Super-fine actually (and Super Bad-ass - props Mr. Apatow for another mega movie winner – can I breed your seed?! just a question, jeez…). Your affairs start leaning toward long, lean ‘n streamlined. And as eyes are the windows to the soul, be sure to show off your sleek new line cinema approach with ESTÉE LAUDER’S DOUBLE WEAR ZERO-SMUDGE LIQUID EYELINER (nordstrom.com) ringing your piercingly perceptive, straight-from-the-hip peepers (jeepers!). Long-lasting with zero smudgeability, the super-duper-flirty-fine felt tip draws a perfecto line every time. So strut your junk down those passionate pre-autumnal avenues showing off every angle and every slant - fall is fashion, you smashion, so work it out!
	September is right up your chatty-Kathy Gemini alley, as you collect new friends with flawless ease, fascinating peeps seeming to magically materialize within your periscope, no joke. But don’t get all too cocksure as you’ll be experiencing homefront challenges, like those naggy relatives who never refrain from telling you it’s past time to tie the knot, or isn’t that hemline a leetle short (translation = slutty)? Creepers, Louise! Just don’t freak out on them - instead pay extra special attention to your domestic agenda (take a hint from Michael Winerip’s gripes in the NY Times, poor lady-stay-home-daddy) and get la casita organized and in tip-top order. You’ll need all that legwork done by the 12-14th when opportune opportunity for lots’o fun, fun, fun rolls into your field of vision - relationships, travel and play become the themes o’ the day. And keep that theme of repair and restoration on the brain with FREDERIC FEKKAI PROTEIN RX PM REPAIR (saks.com), the perfect prescriptive strengthener that works whilst you slumber. (Don’t cha just love checking items off your to-do list while your brain flies around la-la land licking ice-cream-cone-sand-dunes and partying with purple-people-eaters, you psychedelic tripster, you? You sooo do, don’t lie to mama!) Working overtime (so you won’t have to – or spend your entire un-laboring labor day (irony implicit) under the heat lamp) to repair damaged hair from the inside and seal cuticles to make those gorgeous tresses all shiny and new (like a virgin, hey). This restorative concoction includes ceramides, soy, milk and wheat proteins for strong, healthy hair protected against environmental damage. Just slop it on your mop or throw it in a Jack LaLanne Power Juicer, and chug it down after your iron-pumping workout (insert medical disclaimer here). For lustrous, break-proof hair, you know Freddy’s got your back (although if that’s where the majority of your split-ends reside).
	Plots and plans abound inside that Cancerian noggin this September month, o’ sensitive one. But refrain from rushing all crab-like toward the checkered flag just yet, as you’re more apt to hit the ‘go’ button in October. Which is all fine ‘n dandy as this post-summer/pre-fall month is the perfect time to cool your claws and slate some time to just muse. Your finances are on the excellent upswing and that knot in your gut seems to lessen as monetary burdens lift heavenward like a phoenix rising from the (formerly) red bottom line – snift a stiff Shirley Temple to celebrate! Clearly you’re grinning from chop to maw as life regains that levity that you do so enjoy. Sticky little issues push daisies to the surface in relation to communication systems, machinery and equipment (think Mercury in retrograde headaches), as bros’ ‘n siss’ and meddling neighbors demand urgent attention (talk to the claw and take a number – the complaint department is down the hall!). Just don’t make like Michael Bolton in Office Space and beat the copier to holy shit. Breathe ohm shanti ohm, and step up to your responsibilities: create that mile-long check-list and hop to it. Get all that annoying paperwork filled out and filed, run your irritating errands and be done with it! To add icing to injury, a love affair quickly and passionately blooms, like Edith Piaf crooning la vie en rose (how is her CD playing simultaneously on the stereo of every wine bar the city over? I must investigate…) on bended knee for thine o’ solo mio edification. It’s just a snap to the left and then a jump to the right to maintain that newly rosy perspective across your widening grin with LAQUE DE ROSE BY TERRY (barneys.com) – ummy-yummy Balm de Rose lip care with beautiful rose color to keep that smile genuine (take a hint Martha Stalwart!). Quintessential fluid salve concentrated with precious active ingredients: regenerating rose essential wax and protective UV filters work their healing magic. Much prettier than gag-gift wax lips or cheezy smilitis for that matter. But not to worry, your beautifully plump lips tell the real story and it’s a juicy ‘un, go on - try ‘n make me blush!
	This September month is all about rising above those Leoine challenges without creating too much of a roaring-ruckus-kafuffle. Por exemplo, i.e., case in point, herewith and henceforth - getting your financial house, the green, the money, the paperbacks in order is primero priority numero uno, capiche? A few monetary flaws start showing through and you’d better take immediate action to set things straight (like Michael Jackson’s new book: “How to go from Billions to Zero in Three Easy Law Suits”). I know how much you love to get your Top-Shop-on, you fancy feline big spender, but sometimes it’s best to take a step back and take stock of your storeroom. (You may indeed find you already own seven pair of Ferragamo black suede pumps just like the ones you’re currently coveting). You do seem ready to curb that runaway ‘lil habit and get all those pesky spreadsheets organized. Once you set your mane to it, you’ll start managing it in fierce Leo style, which will carry you forth handsomely into future endeavors. Family relations and homey matters also begin their steady upswing after a period of relative cesspool stagnation (you were beginning to emulate Brit-Brit’s train-wreck of a home life for a sec there). And as always, socializing keeps you busy - and not a moment too soon to counteract all those worry and stress signs manifesting unfortunately on your derm from squinting at endless Excel docs all night long when you really should be beauty slumbering instead. JATAMANSI BODY CREAM to the emollient rescue (bergdorfgoodman.com) keeps you all supple and smooth all over. Extremely soft velvet-Elvis blend is suited to all skin types, with its richly nourishing moisturizing oils. Rosehip and apricot kernel keep your skin hydrated and supple, as anti-ageing hero Vitamin E reinforces renewal properties. Long-lasting and durable, this is the salvation salve to keep you silky and radiant for hours on end until your finances are back in the black once again. Green is the new black, jack.
	Not to too far stilt this Virgo blurb, cause you know how levelheaded me tries to be, but damn it if I won’t just shout it out – Happy Birthday to me! There I said it and I won’t bring it up again – but I can’t be all Libra-minded-fair all the tootin’ time! Moving right along before I’m too far gone on my happy birthday yarn: health and self-image issues are front and center this happy-happy month of September – nothing new for earthy ‘lil you (‘n me, wee-hee – sorry!). But beware the ides of a solar eclipse on the 11th (although howling at the moon may indeed do some endorphin-releasing good), leaving you in need of added rest the weeks before and after (thank goodness the boss is outta town so you can sneak under your desk for a little nap). But take it all with a grain of chutzpah, as much of your life-energy force (oh God, that is simply too new-age even for tree-hugging-lil-me) resounds with a Tinkerbell quality. The force flows on autopilot in positive directions so just allow your intuitive powers to show you the way. Mid-month is frankly what we’re all aching for – as love rears its obscure head and your esteem grows to Zeppelin proportions, while others give props to your opinionated visions and character. So to wear that rosy birthday glow all month long, get all rock ‘n roll with SMASHBOX DECADENCE COLLECTION PHOTO FINISH LIP LUXE (sephora.com). Smashingly (try not to get too looped on the bubbly as you celebrate this month’s 31-day bender, okay, sweet pea?) smooth, glibly gliding onto those pillowy Angelina kissers - plush cushion lipstick with a mirrored flip-top cap lends some sassy style to the glossy application mechanization. The ultimate in luxe shimmering gloss, an instant classic in any day and age, rendering the high-shine color and drama of cinema-slick, switchblade Betty Davis glamour. But to keep it real for a moment, I’ve just this year started telling inquiring minds, instead of my actual age – that I’m a timeless masterpiece – pretty good response to a nobody’s-biz query, no? You can use that one with absolutely no points-on-the-back-end-charge – cause us Virgos are just giving like that, ya’ll.
	Mid-September is Libra’s high time for the heavens to open. Ya, seriously, revelatory visions dancing in your head open your life to positive changes. So listen to that inner voice, your intuition will serve you well right now. Financial matters finally see the light of day. Monetary delays previously holding you up disappear. Your ego, id and other inner incarnations are on the upswing too. Even though you’re still holed up just a smidge bit more than usual, taking that time to languish in your private sanctuary and reflecting on above-stated issues and their solutions. But don’t get too-too self-absorbed, as a partner’s job changes will affect you. In other words, and I’ll spell it out loud and clear - relationship matters require special attention, so don’t forsake the call of partnership. Break it on down to its constituent parts and respect those loved one’s needs, indeed! So just as you’re stripping your own soul down to its primary essentials and building it back up again, your make-up takes on a no-nonsense, self-reflective stance to mirror your shiny innards. And so, our sister of soul, BOBBI BROWN, steps-up as usual, to be your make-up-guru. Follow your inner voice straight to Ms. Brown’s STONEWASHED NUDE PALETTE (saks.com) for the season’s look of basic glam – the perfect returning-to-autumn palette. Replete with three eye shadows and four shimmer washes, for smudging, lining and glaming up those upturned heavenward peepers, perfect window to the you-know-what - revealing all those goodie sage internal profundities you have unearthed as of late. You’re the new Tony ‘n Tina Robbins, so work that glowing halo for all it’s worth - it probably won’t last indefinitely! (Sorry for the reality check, but it’s my duty to squawk it to you - that’s why I’m paid in spades… and fab swag for that matter.)
	This month of September is a bridge-building exercise for crafty Scorpio. But no worries on that tip – as you never fear getting your stinger dirty (or anything else for that matter – side-long wink-snort-snicker). Your ‘special’ partner’s biznass begins its forward march, easing challenges for the both of you and bringing you closer to ultimate togetherness (like oil and water… hmmm…). And if you’re a cagy single, your confidence boosts as personal projects also begin that left-left-left-right-left rally cry, converting you into a Wavy Gravy, chief-of-please upturned mood. Your wily radar tail picks up significant info floating around the air up there, so keep all that intuition churning ‘n burning, and pen it all down in a letter, or a fortune cookie. Although mayhap a journal is more appropriate for those inner thoughts and prophesies – but whatever your pleasure, o’ stingray of the dry land. Stress on the job front eases up nicely as the ides of autumn blow in a new POV focusing on long-term happiness goals and caring less about your public image (although a touch of mascara and blusher never hurt no one, mama sez, mama sez). But even as your burning ego turns further inward, shrewd Scorpio remembers mama’s words and appreciates the power of a perfectly painted power-lip to get the point across. Enter YVES ST. LAURENT ROUGE PERSONNEL LIPSTICK (bergdorfgoodman.com), flawlessly poised as the autumn’s hottest hue - why flaming red, of course, mon dieu! Keep layering it on to render ever more gallant shades of this innovative tinge that becomes more intense and satiny the more you slather. Ab fab (yes, Edina is coming back to the boob-tube – hearty woo-hoo the snark-loving world over!) for all you obsessively fanatical types that insist on getting the shade just right to match the bottoms of your Louboutin shoes (high stylin’). Moisturizing, long-lasting and radiant, apply it directly over naked lips and revel in the amazing skill of the beveled bullet tip to deliver a perfectly appointed lip that looks so pro, you’ll think Yves applied it with his own supple hands. So power-ladies-who-lunch, just be wary of snitty bitches who’ll knock you over and snatch ‘n grab your goods without a second thought, after a ‘tini or two at the Boathouse. I’m saying - don’t look away for even a hot sec or she’ll sashay away - claiming yours is a totally different tint - which will be hard to argue with this brilliant color-enhancing breakthrough. So keep your purse tight and your frenemies even closer, lest you end up brawling on the bathroom floor - major party-foul-faux-pas on the Upper East Side, to be sure!
	Never the one to shy away from any kinda drama - in fact indie-minded Sagittarius is often the party promoter and the reveler. Especially in September, as career changes and commotion are the screaming headlines in your personal newspaper (and Murdoch holds the monopoly lock on your ghost-written biography, no surprise there). So rest up that fiery soul in the beginning of the month to ground that wanderlust spirit, trust me, you’ll need it. Take time to prioritize (uh, Mama-Lohan-Orange-Oprah, are you listening, you child-pimping maniac?) and be sure you’re living up to your responsibilities with as much gusto as possible. I know you’re thinking in Peanuts-speak: “wah-wah-wah-wah-wah,” but heed my words yo - career goals become a major priority and this is no passing fancy. So pay extra attention to your aspirations (like frightening stage mom(agers) claiming to be former Rockettes – like we can’t just Google you and find out the truth in this cyber-spastic age!). Challenges arise mid-month between this newly-found career upthrust and your very ‘isn’t-that-special’ friend. But become not betwittered and betwixed, as romantic revelations keep life in the fast lane (like rubber-burning Nick Hogan – take that child’s license away, pleeze, post haste!). Just take a chapter from Libra’s law of balance and be sure your buckets are evenly weighted. See, you’re a natural at this stability game as your archer’s bow sails right into the thick of your personal mess - hook, line ‘n sinker – to sort it all out. Slam, into the heart of the glimmering bulls-eye, easy to hit as it glints with NARS SPARKLING LOOSE POWDER (barneys.com). Phenomenally infused with supa-dupa fine gold shimmer, the perfect autumnal manifestation of sheer brilliance highlighting the skin from within. Illuminating your complexion like a shot of Goldschlager burning its blistering path down your esophagus while watching radiant sunsets over the Hudson (yes, even Yonkers looks brilliant at the magic hour). Like that giant bling on your ring (uh, every) finger, leaving a shimmering finish for both face and body - you’ll be lustrous all over from specially formulated micro-bubble technology, filling in lines and pores. The smoothness leaves you so irresistible; it’s not even fair. Vanessa Minnillo, I’ll send you a sample, it’s so fab it could even resurrect your career! (Or not.) Silica leaves a silky smooth texture and cornstarch rocks out to absorb excess oil. Triple-milled to blend effortlessly for instant radiance, complete with powder puff and mesh sifters - you’ll be rocking bronze godessness long past (my good friend) summer’s tearful end.
	The daily rigmarole of life and work and all that bladdy-blah-blah stuff continues to be frenetic in this in-between-seasons month of September for snappy Cappi. But hold your head up… high… as you’re all the better for it cuz even busy-work biznass is surprisingly pleasant, and days and nights zip along swimmingly. You may find yourself (in a shotgun shack) befuddled by recent stagnation or confusion in your love life (I mean, who isn’t?), but all this muddly-mucky-chaos eases up presently, ‘cause goat-girl, you need some lovin pronto (then again, who doesn’t?) - meehhh! The yearly reign of your sister-sign, the earthly Virgo, coupled with Saturn fluffing its profound rings, allows life to begin stabilizing in o’ so many wonderful ways. Responsibilities become easy, effortless and dewy as autumn air – a much-welcomed long-term positive trend boosting your confidence into the comets - as life becomes smoother, less stressed and more fulfilling. If I dare state the case plain and simple, everything is illuminated (Liev Schreiber, you can call me any time, honey, and we’ll run away together – forget all that baby-mama-drama – wait, where am I? Anyhoodle…) and not a moment too soon for psychic (come-in-Tokyo) you! And so its sooo incredibly apropos that SEPHORA’S ILLUMINATING TWEEZER (sephora.com) materializes into your life, to light up your night and get that goat’s-coat into tip-top, runway-ready shape – watch out Tyra, here comes you, hoofin it with the best of ‘em five-inch stacks! Slanted stainless steel pincers with precision edges grab each and every errant strand (nice word for icky-poo whiskers – or ‘witch’s hair’ as I’ve heard them called less eloquently) with ease, exactitude and sure-footed agility. The built-in light illumines your pearly face with enough lumens to acquire the perfectly quaffed mug every time. For a look you’ll be proud to parade in-front-of-lens should any random ‘reality TV’ camera happen to get shoved in your way. You can just smile and say with all due sincerity, ‘Modeling’s my life. This side is my best angle. Hello?! Get it right! Pffff!’
	My quirky contrarian Aquarian, September brings stimulation in all the right places - romance, relationships, pleasure and creativity - to jaunt up and enliven your step. What a delicious beginning to this most gregarious of seasons! So jealous, I may even fight you snaggle tooth and ceramic tip for your horoscope, biyatch! But on the more serious side, everything is grooving in all the right directions (cue porno music here) – career, travel, domesticity and education become old-hat for you, yer so in control, you eccentric intellectual. (But I know you’d trade all that in for an uproarious hat-trick from a shirtless and steaming, talented Mr. Beckham any day of the week - am I true?) Get ready for intimacy on the rise (hopefully Becks is in on that too) and mayhaps, perhaps (dare I insinuate) a mini-relationship-crisis – what are you freaking already? Just take it in dribbling stride, you emotional Pelé, you’re a phenom and you don’t even know it. Just kalabati breathe in and out (I know it seems like hyperventilating at first, but trust, it’s way diff) and attempt to remain water-headed about the whole thing at all costs. Whatever doesn’t kill you… oh screw it with the clichéd advice… you won’t die - you’ll surely handle it somehow, that’s right. Just don’t turn all winter white as a sheet and hit the fainting couch in the waning heat (drama queen!). And just to be sure you’re as blushing as a bride (even though you may feel ghostly inside), NAPOLEON PERDIS BLUSH PATROL (sephora.com) keeps color in those cheeks, lest Young Frankenstein (sooo going to see it in previews – I’ll fight you for that beau coup ticket, misses!) mistake you for the undead and zip you away in his ghostly chariot – save me! State-of-the-art 2-in-1 blush and bronzing powder are the perfect combination to ward off all creatures from beyond the grave – the Mummy, Dracula and even Rob Zombie will be thrown off your scent with this glorious stuff. Combining the latest baked (oh, is it 420 already?) and pressed powder technology for the brilliance of dual wet-dry application, coupled with the heroic properties of healing Vitamin E, for soft, supple skin that is very much alive, muchas gracias. Even Marilyn Manson will pass you up in favor of his creepy teenaged, Dita-wanna-be lover. Who would you rather? Uh, thank you, no, table for one please.
	Fishy sultry Pisces, you can’t escape that solar eclipse popping ‘n lockin’ onto your block this fine month of September, as relationships and close partnerships swarm your limelight. Sometimes it’s just due time to step into another’s shoes, which is all good if they’re Ferragamo or Clergerie, or I suppose you’ll settle for Blahniks (what - these ole things?). I’m saying, try peeping the other side of the seaweed bed for a change or swimming to another coral reef - for new POV is key. Your starring role may indeed be reassigned as the soothing smoother-overer of the gaggle, so use that rumored open-minded empathy to your advantage. You can pass any relationship test with flying colors as long as you don’t nitpick the flaws. Don’t get caught up in the dragnet and just flow like the sea-sponges on a coffee run. Swim up and iron out any lingering family kinks that roll with the high drama brigade well into October. And instead of engaging in that good old friend, divine suffering, just trawl to the music and do-si-do your aquatic partner. And to prove to the entire brood how much you’ve got it all under control, a perfectly arched brow is the ideal representation for all that’s right in the world. Lo and behold, how-now TARTE BROW KNOW-HOW EYEBROW KIT (tartecosmetics.com) renders flawlessness a breeze. In mere minutes, sport the perfect eye frames on your lustrous face. And as annoyed as you feel for being commanded to follow any sort of ‘map’ or ‘plan’ (indeed, why doesn’t ‘The Iraq’ have maps? - something to ponder), or God forbid, the beaten path, use this adorable little complete set replete with all the tools you’ll need to construct golden arches pain free and with ease. I am pleased to suggest the following steps to achieve the sainthood of arched divinity: tweeze away stray hair annoyances, lay down foundation with smoothing wax, fill in spaces with powder or pencil, and finally seal the deal with glossy gel - all from the vantage point of a handy-dandy compact mirror. That wasn’t really so painful, now was it? Except for those strays near the eye-fold, sooo hate going there! The kit comes in three universal shades of light, medium and dark, for the absolute perfection match. So un-furrow that furled brow, there are arches to be built, work to be done, faces to be saved.