August is the epicenter of summer, the real show of strength, the race to the finish. Truly and sincerely, my sisters-in-sweat, we’re in for a rough patch coming up - and it won’t be no Country Time lemonade children leaping through starry prairie fantasies, no one-horned horses roaming free ranges with fairy-dust sifting from glistening manes, no Sugar Plum Fairies skating to Ice Castles’ theme (major throwback to ’78 – you know what I’m talking about, old timers), nor romantic visions of Snowflake Queens dancing across Fudgie the Whale’s tale. Truth be told - it’s shaping up to be a messy affair (hot mess, in H’wood terms). I’m sorry, do forgive oh-mighty-August, I’m sure you know what you’re doing and all, but 98 degrees is a tad extreme (don’t cha think?); 2000.5% humidity seems a gross violation of some law (of nature or human capacity or whatever); and sweating clear through my gorgeous new H&M-looks-o-so-expensive-little-number at schmancy Kenneth Cole cocktail fête is a major faux pas I decline to repeat. So what to do? Oh the agita! Just plaster on your party grin, remember that we’re all in this together, it’s a team building exercise and such (oh God, are you buying into this?).

Is it truly all that heinous in the belly of this frying pan? Indeed it is but NYC we love, so we shall resign to our collective fate in this searing cauldron we call home - throw a tofu steak on the Barbie, blast the air, sweat it out to the oldies and just foggedaboutit, I say. Indeed, what would the Wicked One of the West or that squawking YouTube Snowman think about all these scalding waves? One can only imagine…

	As you get your glam-on, too hottie-for-your-Maserati-Aries, this month of August ranks high on the creativity scale, even as your ankles swell to frightening proportions. Especially the 19-22nd, have your colored sharpies and glitter outliner at the ready for sudden inspiration. And even if you’d long ago abandoned hope of that tropical island getaway, don’t be so hasty. A surprise opportunity is likely to rear its welcome head into your plane of consciousness. And I hate to say this but it seems as if backtracking on personal finances and close partnerships may be the only way to set things on the straightaway - so give them your attention straight away, post haste, and place them squarely in the past, where they belong. Oh to play the tooth fairy for a moment, imploring upon you to focus on romance and pleasure is indeed my (leaving a dollar beneath your pillow) pleasure. Don’t be so cocksure as to ignore possible complications. And to keep that vivacious head of yours up, despite the above dire warnings (geesh, don’t be so damn Elizabeth Taylor about the whole thing!), the perfect enlivening olfactory pleasure is at the ready not only to awaken your inner diva, but it’s good for your skin to boot! LAVANILA VANILLA GRAPEFRUIT (www.sephora.com) is such a heaven-scent, I hardly know where to begin - with all its tasty goodies packed in: sparkling grapefruit, fresh lime, orange, warm cedarwood and bergamot, in a base of rich Madagascar vanilla – uh, I’ll take an extra dessert to go, just stuff in into my Emre Madison bag and I’m good for the road! (No, don’t bother to wrap it up, I’ll be digging in way before my arse even hits the taxi seat). Pure essential oils with 100% active botanicals are so nurturing for your skin - each spritz lavishing you with super antioxidants goji berry, kakadu plum, soothing willowherb and hydrating olive leaf, awakening and enlivening - like Red Bull for your yearning derm!
	Stalwart Taurus, your steadiness and nose-to-the-grindstone inclinations will pay off in spades this sultry (ya see how I turned a sweaty negative into a positive?) month of August. Let’s just state for the record that it may not be the most partylicious of months for you, without delving into too much detail. Some may find you spacing off into your own private mental clubhouse with the latch securely fastened – and the key buried deep within the confines of your private blanket fort. And although they may be pounding on the backdoor for proprietary entrance, if they don’t know the codeword, it’s a no-go. Don’t stress on their perceived ideas about whom you should and shouldn’t be building sandcastles with - just keep on doing what you gotta do, as money and savings are on the steady upswing, just as lil-you prefers it. The 13-18th is a powerful little stretch to connect with lovers and family members and work through dirty laundry, dusty skeletons disintegrating in closets and… well, you get the idea. While Mz. Taurus is all about basics, you un-mutable adorable thang, I’ve got the perfect little item to keep you sparkling from the inside out and fresh as an Irish spring on a sweltering August day – DARPHIN DENBLAN TOOTHPASTE (www.bergdorfgoodman.com) is your trusty, newest best friend to whiten those pearlies that have been looking more like day-old polenta lately (Ally Sheedy take note, please, for the love of God!), and counteract those evenings spent sipping gratis espresso martinis shutting down the Boat House instead of snoozing (and whitening). This au-naturale paste whitens and brightens, reduces gum sensitivity and builds strong tissue, loosens all those oogey-nasties from our none-so-noble habits like smoking and smiling too much in the dusty city (ok, perhaps ixnay on the last one but all that grit’s gotta land somewhere!), and sans the potentially nasty enamel scritch-scratching of ordinary. Minty botanicals and noble fennel combine forces to work wonders on sensitive gums, angelica to support micro-circulation and parsley to purify and tone – and hey, if you’re having a last minute bbq and have a run on fresh herbs to sprinkle on the swordfish, just spread on a dollop of the DD paste and no one will be any the wiser. Unless of course the self-proclaimed gourmand of the airwaves, Christopher Walkin (YouTube really is the pop-cultural barometer of the millennium), is in ‘da house – in which case you may already be in pre-culinary-alert-mode and I recommend some good old fashioned Breakstones to get that party started.
	August is all about being quick on the Gemini draw, as simplicity and ease become your breezy BFF’s – cause hey, we’re all doggie paddling through this air thick as mudslides (on second thought, wouldn’t that be positively glorious – just open up, chug and drunken-swim across the avenue!) and you simply don’t need any extra worries on your coursing brain. Summer should be two-snaps effortless: like dressing for work in five minutes flat in a single garment, hopping on your bike and cycling cross the park in Clergerie platforms (just heaven in a foot-basket, if you ask me) and hiked-up skirt, to nighttime tea parties at Tavern on the Green (how fabulous can you be?). Like sitting down for old-fashioned heart-to-hearts, with an Old Fashioned on ice, bien sûr, with your significant other (or others? you twin-horned devil), practicing the art of cooperation and conflict resolution by simply smoothing back your considerable ears and listening up. And despite all this reclining, listening and blah-blah’ing, August is set to screech by on the racetrack tip. Action, action, action is your new BFF (you fickle fiend) as you prepare to move forward on your far-flung ideas and turn them into steady reality, as only you can do. So the overarching theme be: it’s due time to strip down (unless you’re starring in a flick where you apparently know your own murderer, in which case you’d better button-up in your courtroom finest) and throwback to basics - and our most fav camera-ready gal (our real, true one-and-only and only BFF), BOBBI BROWN, of course is already on the scene with that one essential emergency item you’re missing from your all-important cosmetic bag ‘o summertime tricks (for hiding sweat and mascara streaks with ease and finesse) – with her fabulous FACE BRUSH (www.saks.com). What’s so stunning, you ask, about a simple little brush? Uh everything, when BB’s the babe behind the sorcery! This short-handled brush, in its own faux leather (thank you PETA) carrying case, is the last defense in this cat ‘n mouse game of chasing away that inevitable shine, nay the out ‘n out beads of sweat pouring down your formerly perfectly powdered forehead, touching up that necessary bronzer and making-you all-around gorgeous and Madison Avenue ready once again. Phew, that was close - ‘they’ almost saw you sweat!
	Aaah, ooooh and so… the poetic loveliness of another languorous summer waves over you, contemplative Cancer. To wit: lazing lunch on buggy grass, stalked (but not bitten, citronella oil you’re my sun and moon!) by rabid mosquito-vampire creatures from the deep. Nooo - say it’s naught the zenith of summer-inspired verse! True enough all these wispy warm-weather detractions are fun to muse over and such, but henceforth theretofore on your imminent August horizon does exist a battalion of wavy gravy good vibes to bespeak of: money-baby-monaay, comfort (= money) and security (mona-a-ay) all crest the ocean-line and keep on rising. Just keep it in check and don’t be all Dina-Lohan-money-grubbing-momster nightmare, I’m saying! For shame. Stumbling blocks in relation to work and health matters tend to dissipate into thin crispy wisps, like Sharon Stone’s sanity. But don’t get too brazen just yet, for your communication radar may be running on empty and obstacles with friends and family are likely to occur. Just be chill, lady, chiiilll and learn to move beyond… that wanderlust which takes grip late-month and leads you into adventure and the unknown. And what’s the good girlscout’s motto for marching forward into indefinite oblivion: always be prepared, oh yes, so elemental, so true. So take it back old school and strip your beauty regime down to its core inner workings – keep it real my girlfiend and prep your punim with NAPOLEON PERDIS AUTO PILOT PRE-FOUNDATION PRIMER (www.sephora.com), like pilates for your skin. The ideal sensitive Cancer’s retreat-from-the-heat skin tonic treat. A lightweight primer for all skin types, smoothing and prepping the skin for a flawless makeup finish. With calming botanicals: chamomile, to soften redness, yarrow extract, to reactivate beneficial ingredients in your skincare and foundation, and vitamin E, to smooth texture and hydrate. So just in case those seasonal flying-wombat-vampire-bloodsuckers pests come back round your way, you can pooh-pooh them, turn your nose down, flash your best diva scowl - so cool as a champagne flute your airtight look is, it’s an open and shut case – you’re gorgeous, stunning (gavel bangs) – EES NEXT - SVIMWEAR!
	I bow down to the cult of Leo, o-noble feline. As one and all well know, August is the month of all things vou, queen of Bathsheba, ferocious fighter and warrior, so prepare to radiate your zen gloriousness in all directions. You are muy expressivo at this juncture, no charlatan to be sure, and your social life picks up nicely. I’m saying, you’re sprightly… I mean for you… your highness… er, your lioness, ma’am… You’re taking definite strides toward life-long dreams, as opposed to lazing around airy pastures sunning your imperial buckside and shining-up that French pedi – not that there’s anything wrong with that (in Seinfeldian terms). Finances are on the up-and-up and everything is turning up golden (like lyrical lyrics, hymnals hummed in Italian by a motherless eunuch on a lively spring evening – ees romantico, no?). Blocked creativity unblocks like a dream – poofta-ohmnamonaranaya - hey all that chanting and drum-beating paid off - you feel revved-up, renewed, surprisingly refreshed. But what, oh what has caused this sudden shift of kismet, from stiff as a board to light as air and filled with fortune? Why REVIVE BODY REPAIR CREAM (www.bergdorfgoodman.com), by Dr. Gregory Brown, but of course my good-Charlotte, continues your splendid upward trend (hey, something out there’s gotta counterbalance the disastrous markets). Deeply penetrating and repairing for all skin types, reducing and eliminating spider veins, rebuilding and repairing broken capillaries, drawing down a smooth-supple look even a spider would covet. So get those hind haunches in tip-top hunting shape and be ready to show it all off – but of course, with splendid dignity as always – no world’s first supermodel scandals worth noting here! Move alone, move along…
	This month is all about retreat, zany Virgo, retreat from the hot pounding streets, your aching puppies and swollen digits. There’s no mistaking it - you hear the call of the wild braying strong and clear from far beyond the confines of this urban tundra tangle, lilting to you in its singsong voice every fantasy you ever owned in the recesses of that inner world you call your mind. Is it a tiny bit possible, might I proposed, that job-related stress mayhaps be getting the better of you? Now don’t pop a capillary all of a sudden, it’s just a suggestion. After all… it’s best to place everything in its proper space (just follow the dust-outlines mz-pick-it-apart-till-yer-seafoam-green-in-the-face), like a good ‘lil Virgo soldier, and step away from the pickle with your hands in the air right now. Leave job issues at the office where they belong (and try to restrain yourself from going all “Office Space” on that copier) and retreat to your sanctuary, spark some scented candles and repeat your mantra. And from within the confines of your safety womb, keep a close lid on financial affairs, and relationships too for that matter. Late in the month personal trials and tribulations begin to resemble a stint on Survivor, but I know you can cut the mustard (which apparently Paul Rudd abhors – and I’d pretty much give it up for him, and just spread his deliciousness on a cracker and call it a snack). But fear not or fret, for your happily-ever-after reveals heightened insight into loved ones’ hearts. And since we all know that curiosity most certainly did not kill the Rum-Tum-Tugger nor the magical one, go right ahead and keep that free-flow of mystery and romance alive and thriving, ms. velveteen Virgo, by spritzing on voluminous juicy spurts of DAISY MARC JACOBS EAU DE TOILETTE SPRAY (www.bloomingdales.com). Master the spirit of o-so-lively, modern-vintage-sparkling floral bouquet - pure femmy whimsy in a stunning bottle evincing sprightly beings, forest faeries, pond lilies and firefly ringed coastlines in the jungle night with effortless charm and olfactory grace. Kinda sounds like the polar opposite of soupy-NYC’s current state o’ affairs, if you ask me, but I can lie under my sand-tone canopy and dream, now can’t I?
	Higher ideals figure prominently this August month, compassionate judge, o’ fair and balanced one. I mean, go on and figure – like that’s not reading verbatim from the Libra-scripture down to a crossed t. Non-committed relationships (whatever this even means, sorta like calling the bi-monthly anarchy meeting to order, hear-ye hear-ye), intellectual stimulation and compatibility are also high on the you-radar. Perfection is your passion and yearning, so maybe its time to put aside all the analytic conjecture and add a smidge of allspice to your life. Indeed you’ll find love in the most fascinating locales (like drive-in movies and Donut King, if you take a page outta the me-book, not that you’d want to!), to the left, to the left of your ordinary life. A little getaway will strengthen partnership connections even as others find you distant and melting away (like Jude Law’s sex appeal – what exactly happened there?) this month. But you need this peace of mind to rethink your life path and screw on your head tight (lest it float away from your shoulders once and for all). Your career gets a much-needed shake-up (like Paris becoming a libretto at Met’s next season – yahuh I shudder to think). And just in case you do indeed throw caution to the wine (tee-hee), quit your job to run to off-off-off Broadway, time-tested LAURA MERCIER LIP STAIN is ever by your lusty lips’ side: guiding, brightening and staining those puckers to sheer perfection (www.saks.com). So at least you’ll have that going for you, even if your soprano cracks on the first note. The-look the-look of effortless finish, undercover glam and sophisticate polish, in a handy little tin you can stash most anywhere, even the tiniest little micro-purse, while you’re belting out your warm-up scales with falsetto confidence. But don’t despair if this business we call show isn’t suitable for reasonable ‘lil Libra you, just gather-up those tarty luscious ones and air-kiss till your true love comes home – at least you’ll get the appreciation you deserve if the Met throws you unceremoniously out on your arse-side.
	Furrow not your brow, probing Scorpio frau, for August seems a zenith of sorts for your munificence personage. It could be considered your nadir, your peek, your highest of heights, so revel in it as it brings increased responsibilities, you know you likie. Success becomes more relevant than you ever could have imagined, like Anne Heche in a crazy contest with Brit-Brit, a battle to the death. So fluff out your prideful tail, money is hot on your success trail. If close ones seem distant or lost in the pale, despair not and slide into the background for some pranayama breathing room on their terms. Measured distance is the new closeness (just as black is the new renewed black) and you should heed its relationship advice, even if it seems George-Castanzaian in its dictation (he’s my love-life guru, yah seriously, that should tell you a lot). The creative juice starts to rumble as innovative projects bear fruit, or romance starts to spark, or a combination of the two (can anyone say naked Twister with ruby red Jello shots and flaming hot bbq?). So as that beautiful love blossoms and blooms, be sure to have your diva brows perfectly arched, shaped and full for the most impressive reflection of your true inner thoughts. With ANASTASIA OF BEVERLY HILLS’ NU BROW enhancing serum (www.sephora.com), a colorless and odorless gel of proteins and vitamins to condition, repair, and restore the eyebrows to their thick lustrous selves of yesteryears, before the pluck-happy time of the Cyndi Lauper arch, man them 80’s were a funky aesthetic time in too many awful respects to recount (anyhoo). Say buh-bye to sparse, thin brows and hola papicito to fuller healthy ones. Deep conditioning action stimulates brow growth, to render those bold and beautiful eye-frames all the yap of the scene, from up to down to sideways living in this urban Lego Land town - so fabulous they are, Page Six does a full color two-page spread on their lustrousness – blind item, of course.
	Don’t even try to reign in that restlessness this August, Ms. adventure-seeking Sagi - it’s not even worth the Himalayan rock salt it’s written on - for your month prominently features romance, adventure and creative expression as comparative practicum. Uh, don’t you wish your alma mater taught that curriculum (oh ya, camp-Hampshire did, that’s right… my college memory is a tad fuzzy at this point)?! Relationships with loved ones tend toward the ‘drama’ - as opposed to ‘not-drama’ - range of the intensity scale: powerful, heated and passionate exchanges prevail. (Just be sure they see the sweet side of your fury and your furrow.) But all the while the happy mask/ sad masks interplay unfolds, personal plans move forward at a jaunty clip. And you’ll be simultaneously pondering new and stylish ways to best come across to others (un-examples such as Alberto Gonzalez and Karl Rove come readily to mind). As in, rearrange your own personal POV and the way others perceive you will shape-shift to ‘spectac’ as well. OLAY DERMA-POD EYE (www.drugstore.com) is the perfect provision to get those peepers looking newborn-fresh in only 8 weeks. Omg you look so youthful, my dulcet dear, you’re halfway back upside the womb, with those negative years showing in the red… you wear them sooo well and Suisse banks are vying for your autograph (blink-blink)! Bordering on miraculous, the regenerist pod resurfaces, regenerates and decongests puffiness, helps remove excess under-eye fluids, fills in lines and wrinkles for a smoother you-do-baby-booty look. For random cries from your teary, admiring audience of ‘encore amore,’ ‘she gives good eye’ and uproarious applause to boot, slap these patches on that most delicate spot and watch the years melt away in the blink of an...
	August is the month for Cappi to take stock of the… well stock: reviewing and refining top the list of lists -none too out-there for your ever queenly mindset. Envisioning and building new job strategies step front and center, so just go with that tip and you may find that second-guessing is actually positive and necessary right now. So sit tight with your work and don’t make too many dramatic changes, cause you don’t want to be playing the regret game down the road, now do you? Just check out Courtney Love’s new lips as a hideous example and you’ll know what I’m talking about (wants back the ones that God gave her, my patootey, like there’s anything left on that head in its original form!). Regret can be a nasty mistress so you want to stay as far away from her bullwhip as possible, mercy! In other words, study your crib notes and all those scribbles in the margins, review and mentally preview your concepts but hold off on putting them into action at this time - you’ll thank your lucky stars you did. Cause you gotta know when to hold ‘em and know when to… play Jenga. And when it comes to keeping your goat-coat silky smooth, soothed and replenished, you most certainly don’t want any regrets to come calling, wondering why, ‘o why you went back to that frizzy, teased-out 80’s perm look. (Oh, that’s not a perm, it’s your natural nest, good lord woman, to the hair clinic with haste!) You just wanna keep it nice ‘n smooth and natural and TED GIBSON’S HAIRSHEET TREATMENT should be the only mew crossing those agile lips (www.saks.com) when it comes to your precious locks. Each unique amino complex treatment is infused with wild orchid extract and natural plant aroma to infuse moisture, strength and elasticity, leaving hair soft, supple and revitalized with new life. Which we all need in spades in these dog-days, lest we go limp or even worse off, all frazzle-spazzed-out, like Lauryn Hill on crack (which from the look in her eyes lately, I wouldn’t doubt).
	Partnering, creativity and romance are on Aquarius’ August hot list (uh, that’s hot – the only quotable Paris line in existance). Um, I think I may trade in my earthy Virgoness for your watery idealism at the astrology swap-meet (it’s next week – you wanna?). Impulsivity and impetuous desire to breathe new life into existing relationships reign supreme in the second half of the month... something to look forward to, ‘fo shore (Kate Moss, take note – don’t do it!). And travel plans may not exactly be stymied, but they require evaluation before they can shift into action gear (oh Ricky Bobby, you’re my American Dreamz) and satiate that need to venture and adventure. An important financial matter comes to light in the last week of the month... so let it shine on in your spotlight. And while your finances are all gleaming warm and fuzzy, turn to KINERASE ULTIMATE DAY MOISTURIZER (www.sephora.com) for a fabulous fresh face that won’t (God forbid) leave you with that dreaded summertime shine (oh who are we kidding, rivulets of sweat running steadily from your headband, staining your collar and dripping off your hip bones), but rather this richest of rich day creams, ideal in combating dry, mature or environmentally-blemished skin by utilizing sunlight-activated technology to improve the appearance of sun-damaged skin (Lizzie Grubman save yourself from yourself!). What did you say – sunlight activated – what brilliant skinologist came up with that jazz? With its mega-concentration of Kinetin for improving skin’s texture, fine lines and wrinkles, it’s the ideal partner for your watery deeds and beachy ways, Aqua woman. So go on out and frolic in the sun, just be sure your first line of defense is in place to keep the skin looking ever young. You may not live forever, but your beautiful skin shines on postmortem (sorry, is that weird – well people immortalize their family dogs, soooo, ya know…).
	August is the month for Pisces to get some routine matters in order - thrilling beginning to your chart-reading, no? Topping the popcorn shrimp list is attention to health, wellness and work. I know exactly how you feel, at this moment you want to leap uproariously from your desk and bust into some jiggly dance, but just restrain your fishiness for a hot minute and get all your snails in a row... for nothing is all that drama at the moment. And indeed, you’re feeling all up-and-up on your career game, just aching to whack down that candy-filled piñata shaped like your boss. But don’t let whatever’s stressing you out on the homefront stand in the way of this newfound professional clarity. Stick to the high road (put the bat back in the trunk – you’ll need it later) and utilize this extra energy sagely by switching up your domestic routine (the matriarch of invention) and getting a little artsy-fartsy to work toward higher ideals. Don’t get derailed or sideswiped (too-too many celebs I could dis here) by doubts or misgivings. Just keep that scaly mind tuned into its higher purpose by accepting a little ART OF SHAVING’S SHAVING CREAM WITH ROSE ABSOLUTE into your life (www.bloomingdales.com) – may the lord bless and keep you, my child. And although I’m quite sure a rose petal martini would taste much better right about now (not too sure how the lord weights in on this), this creamy slather is so much better for your skin (or on second thought - I guess depending upon whom you ask!). For a close and comfortable shave, the super-luxuriant lather is so delicious I could just blather on about it for days, as it provides a cushion of goodness between razor and skin, like a marriage made in heaven (Eva and Tony – are we taking bets yet on how long it lasts? C’mon I’m not that bad, there are far more morbid Inet betting rings concerning the mortality of certain ‘troubled’ starlets, so this appears seemingly innocuous in my snarky book). For a fabulously close shave without irritation, glycerin-based rose formula is the panacea of choice to keep those extremities gorgeously smooth, supple, retaining that all important Piscean moisture and rub-up-against-me-on-the-airtrain-on-my-summer-jetset-to-Iceland soft. Oooh baby, lather and rinse!